Friends: Finale & Season 1 Thoughts

Well, today ends the first season of Friends.  In this post, I'll talk about the finale and then talk about the first season as a whole.  I apologize ahead of time for Joey fans, because I mostly neglect his insignificant storyline in service of Ross-Rachel (which takes up most of the episode anyway).  Anyway, enjoy.

"The One Where Rachel Finds Out"
This is Friends firing on all cylinders.  Every joke seemed to hit.  The way Rachel found out about Ross' love for her was hilarious.  Joey's plot about preventing a woman from having sex with him was decently funny, but ultimately forgettable.  But I did feel I laughed more than normal.

The opening scene quickly transitions the audience from last week's birth episode to what is clear will be the main plot of this one.  Ross shows off his baby's picture to all of his friends.  Rachel comments on the picture on Ross' shoulder while she says a bunch of stuff that also applies to Ross' feelings for her.  Then Chandler scoffs at him.  *FORESHADOWING*

Ross has to go to China for a week before her birthday.  They don't really explain much, but he's a paleontologist and they need a bone so it works fine enough.  Somewhat conveniently he has to go right before Rachel's birthday so he has enough time to give her the present but not enough to actually see her.  That's just one of those things you have to accept in a show like this.

Rachel opens her presents.  The guys give her pretty awful gifts.  Travel Scrabble, really?  I do understand gifts for her would be difficult, but that's like a kid gift.  (Also Rachel doesn't travel)  Granted, it's somewhat in character for Chandler to be the one who gives that gift.  Joey gives her a Dr. Seuss book.  Well, that's just making the character stupider than he is for the sake of a laugh.  All's I'm saying is the writers could have come up with better gifts instead of things that would never happen.

Ross gives her a ring that reminds Rachel of her grandmother's ring.  Ross remembers some specific moment when she wanted it.  It's in character and it's a good gift.  Then Chandler blurts out that Ross is in love with Rachel.  Then Matthew Perry helps make the next four minutes or so hilarious as he tries desperately to backtrack his statement.  If you don't laugh at Chandler fumbling his words and trying to convince Rachel what he said wasn't true or didn't happen, I don't understand you.

Rachel quickly tries to catch up to Ross in the airport.  This wasn't a bad way to delay their meeting.  Ross is understandably learning Chinese on the go.  Although, in my opinion, if he's listening to a foreign language tape, he would probably have heard Rachel scream Ross.  Music on a headphone?  Yeah, that's hard to hear anyone.  But an instructional tape with people speaking in relatively calm voices?  Kind of a stretch.

She tells the airline attendant to pass a message to.... an old gentleman.  I guess her message was vague enough that it wasn't clear she was a potential dating partner of this special message.  I did chuckle at the older man trying to convince his wife that there is no Rachel though.  Really, considering that this type of show was going to do end up delaying Ross-Rachel, I'm nitpicking.  This is about as good as a contrivance in delaying a romance as you can get.  The timing is going to be way too convenient.  It's just a fact really.

So she goes back, thinks over it, and decides she doesn't want to pursue it.  Monica wants her to be with Ross, which I guess makes sense.  She rationally thinks about what it would mean for her friendship to start dating Ross.  Then she goes on a date with Carl, who's sitcom obnoxious.  I'm sure people like him exist, but what in the heck was Rachel interested in him for anyway the first time?  It's not like it was a blind date.

Naturally, her thought bubble convinces her to try it with Ross.  With the help of an imaginary Ross and her real, less than ideal date, she's convincingly sold.  Only when she goes to the airport, Ross will be meeting her with Julie.  And cliffhanger to end the season.

In hindsight, this doesn't look as bad because Julie is a perfectly nice woman.  It's easy to see why Ross begins dating her.  Rachel's hatred of her takes on funny levels because of how harmless and nice she is.  She's Homer Simpson to Julie's Flanders.  I'm sure at the time, this was immensely frustrating, but again the character of Julie significantly redeems this.

This episode was written surprisingly not by the creators.  Usually, season finales, and especially so for debut seasons, are written by the creators.  This is written by Chris Brown, who barely wrote anything else on television or movies.  The episode sheds some light on his talent, and he wrote two more episodes, both of which I'd have to re-watch, but I remember being good.  It's just a little strange.

The episode was directed by Kevin Bright, his first directorial effort for Friends.  He went on to direct 54 episodes of the series including the finale of the entire series.  He's an important executive producer for the show, who didn't write anything for it, but was involved in all 10 seasons.  (I think only the creators were involved for that long)

Overall, I did spend a lot of time nitpicking the episode, but most of these are really small things and things you have to expect.  So most of those won't affect my grade.  There's also a subplot about Joey working for a fertility clinic and having to hold off on sex for him, but it's mildly memorable and his partner barely qualifies as an actual character.

Grade - A

Season 1 Review
The first season was a good start to a classic sitcom.  Friends hasn't suffered yet from some of the issues that plague them later and the characters are all still sympathetic and relatable (to a point).  They still can access people's hearts and make you care for the characters, something they lose in the later seasons.  Obviously, a sitcom doesn't NEED that, but frankly it's better if it has it.

There are only a couple season-long arcs that the show did.  First, Rachel needs to adjust and accept her newfound life, something that was resolved a few episodes ago.  It was a complete arc to where she finally knew she was in the place was wanted to be.  Her character still has a ways to go to future seasons, but it's certainly a good start.

Ross tries to date Rachel for the entirety of the season.  First, they both need to wait, because Ross is going through a divorce and a future son while Rachel just walked out of a wedding.  Just when the time began to make sense, Rachel found plot device Paolo which the writers fully acknowledged was a plot device.  It worked ok and Paolo was in less episodes than I thought, but each successive episode was more frustrating.

Rachel then broke up with Paolo when he tried to cheat on her, which caused her to shun all men.  I thought this made sense and was a nice way to delay the future relationship.  Then they play in a poker game, Rachel misses out on a job, and Ross lets Rachel win a bunch of money.  That helped the audience root for this sort of annoying inevitability.  Then Rachel has a minor detour with Barry, which while it made little sense, helped close off the season-long arc I mentioned above.  Then this episode happened and delayed it even further.  So this is a season-long arc that is somewhat incomplete, but at least Rachel did find out about it and that's a new development.

The other characters don't really get season-long arcs unfortunately.  Matthew Perry steals the season as Chandler making nearly every Chandler story funny and creating a unique and compelling individual.  While Phoebe probably gets the least screen time, Lisa Kudrow I've noticed makes the most of her little time by the end and probably is MVP of the girls.

Monica and Joey, for better or worse, are still a little on the short end of the stick.  Joey obviously a little bit more developed than your regular womanizer, but he's not exactly fully defined.  Monica, while still consistent, is still kind of a clean-freak, obsessive friend.  Both Matt Le Blanc and Courtney Cox still make the characters into... characters, but both of them are clearly on the bottom of the pole at least.  (While I've never paid attention to it, there's a lot of people that think Le Blanc helped salvage the latter seasons so he does get his time.  I'm not sure Cox ever gets hers)

So Friends first season gets four characters who stand out of an ensemble of six and complete one of two season-long arcs while adding to another arc that could have grown stale.  I personally laugh at every episode so I'm going to raise this grade a little higher and I end up with a ....

Season 1 Grade - B+

Quotes
"What you think I'm going to tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup?" - Joey

"The tough thing is that she really wants to have sex with me." - Joey
"Crazy bitch" - Chandler

"That book got me through some tough times." - Joey about Dr. Seuss

"That's good.  Keep rubbing your head.  That'll turn back time." - Joey to Chandler

"Maybe I'll know when I see him." - Rachel
"Does this help?" - Phoebe holds up picture of Ross

Playlist (Part of my Top 50 tracks of 2013; 1-10; 11-20)
21. "Inhaler" - Foals
22. "Rose Quartz" - Toro y Moi
23. "Ode to Sleep" - Twenty One Pilots
24. "Just Make it Stop" - Low
25. "Primetime" - Janelle Monae ft. Miguel
26. "Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons (I'm somehow not tired of this song)
27. "Sacrilege" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
28. "Retrograde" - James Blake
29. "Hold On We're Going Home" - Drake ft. Majid Jordan
30. "The Mother We Share" - Chvrces

Programming note: Thus ends my Friends recaps on Sundays.  In its place, I will be doing The Sopranos Season 2.  I found that doing Sopranos recaps significantly increased my appreciation of this show so I will continue those.

Friends: The Birth and Rachel's Evolution (E20, 23)

This just happened to work out like this, but I only get two episodes on this one.  It's funny because some of these three episodes posts feel like too many, but I could have easily added an episode to this because the first episode is pretty spare for talking points.  Nonetheless, we have a story dedicated to Rachel getting away from her old life and Ross' baby being born, two plot points that have been season-long conflicts if you will.  Both of them are paid off by having 75% of the episode be about that.  One of them is more successful than the other in my opinion.

"The One with the Evil Orthodontist"
I'm a little conflicted about this episode.  This is the episode where Rachel sleeps with Barry a final time.  On the one hand, she sleeps with Barry for some reason.  On the other hand, everything else about that particular storyline makes perfect sense for her character if that makes sense.

By that I mean if you can somehow get over the fact that she sleeps with Barry, her acceptance of her new life is finally completed.  We the audience get to see the contrast between Mindy (what Rachel might have been) and new and improved Rachel.  But I don't think I can get over that fact to truly embrace the episode.

I'm trying to figure out why I have such a problem with her decision to sleep with Barry.  Obviously, he's clearly a piece of shit.  That's certainly part of it.  Also, Rachel does this knowing he's engaged to Mindy.  Even though they are former best friends, that's a pretty shitty move.

But I think it's a case of the writers telling us they re-connected, instead of showing.  The first scene we see of them together is when they are both naked (I'm not going to count the scene where we see them talking, but don't hear them).  This would be admittedly hard to pull of - at least getting the audience to see from Rachel's point of view.  As it stands, Barry's pretty much a dick at all times on screen.

But what it does do is complete her story arc for the first season.  She's not a completely relatable or likable person, but she has accepted this new life.  This was the step she needed.  She has zero doubts about leaving her old life.  This was kind of implied, but never explicitly stated.  Her arc as a person isn't quite over, but this was her next step into becoming a different person.

At the same time, while she perhaps still retains some of her old attributes, she has clearly changed in a positive and substantial way.  The writers actually show us this by giving us Mindy, the pathetic future housewife.  That was who Rachel used to be, and now she's a better person and happier.  This seems to be an endorsement of the saying "Money doesn't buy you happiness."

Strangely enough (in my opinion), the other two plots if you could call it that take place in Monica's apartment.  Chandler anxiously awaits and freaks out over a phone call he may or may not get from the perfect first date.  The friends also have a special, unwanted visitor looking at them from another apartment.

Chandler's story works, because it's in character and Matthew Perry plays Chandler.  Some variation of that story has been used in countless sitcoms, but it's so incredibly easy to imagine Chandler actually behaving like this.  Plus, Perry really commits to the material and sells the lines.  I will say I didn't like the end credits scene where Chandler says the girl walking to the coffee house was too needy.  I know what they where doing, but... it just isn't funny and makes Chandler look like a dick.

I did kind of like the telescope lady story.  I like how they complain about their privacy and then the show has the characters look at Ugly Naked Guy.  This is an example of the show commenting itself it seems, realizing looking at Ugly Naked Guy is kind of creepy.  That sense of self-awareness is always appreciated by me.  Then its revealed at the end that the creeper is a woman and compliments all the friends, which catches them off-guard.  That was funny and an appropriate conclusion.  In between the beginning and end scenes, none of the "creeper" parts really did anything for me though so I can't fully endorse this storyline.

This episode was written by Doty Abrams.  She must have been friends with the creators because she's only ever written for four shows, all of which were created by them.  She wrote an episode a year for every season of Friends (except Season 4 oddly enough).  She also contributed a single episode to Veronica's Closet, Joey, and The Class.  All of those were short-running so perhaps the episode per season was not limited to Friends.  It was directed by Peter Bonerz, who I've mentioned in previous posts, but what an unfortunate name.

It seems I overall liked this episode, but had a major or minor problem with every storyline.  One of the easier grades I'll probably have this season.

Grade - B+

"The One with the Birth"
This episode is what made Friends Friends.  It gets everyone involved, it really sells the importance of the birth, and it resolves the Susan/Ross feud that's been happening all season.  I will never like Rachel's little storyline with the cute doctor, but the rest of the episode works.

First off, David Schwimmer proves he has acting chops in this episode.  He is the standout performer from his freaking out over why Carol isn't at the hospital to his amazement that he now has a kid.  Ross may not always be a likable character, but I don't think Schwimmer ever was the reason.

Ross and Susan argue a lot in this episode, but it felt pretty natural.  Something like getting candy instead of going straight to the hospital is one of those little things that could easily start a fight.  It also had to happen because it's been consistently appearing anytime Susan and Ross were on screen together.

I also think the fight lent the extreme weirdness of the situation and was balanced in both character's issue with that situation.  Susan gets to go home and be with the baby everyday while Ross is the father of the baby and she's just the lesbian lover of the mother.  (Though I would argue that she could celebrate Mother's Day too.  Not all moms actually give birth to the child they raise)

I have a small issue with the characters getting locked in the room together.  It's something that happens way more in sitcoms than in real life.  But when Phoebe tells the Ross and Susan how this little boy is so lucky to have three people who love him a lot and compares that to her situation growing up, it's very moving.  It gets the characters to shut up and have perspective.

I really liked Joey's small storyline.  Joey is a womanizer, but he really is a good guy.  Leah Remini has a short audition for King of Queens and probably sent this episode as a reason to hire her.  It's surprisingly affecting when Joey comes to the aid of this woman and then decides to leave when he sees her with the father.  (The shot of him walking away with the balloon is so funny/sad)

Monica goes through the tribulations of becoming an aunt.  She's always wanted to have kids, a consistent trait through the whole show.  It also somewhat foreshadows - unintentionally - Monica and Chandler's future.  Episodes like this make it seem like the writers did this on purpose, but they had no idea they would pair them until it happened.  It's shocking how organic their eventual eloping is.

Rachel doesn't look very good in this episode, trying to woo a doctor while basically ignoring Carol.  I won't say much more about this, but I just didn't like this plot point at all.

All of the friends get something to do with this episode, which is a net positive.  Anytime every Friends performer is giving something, it's usually a good episode.  This is not an exception.

Grade - A-

Quotes
"You cook naked?" - Phoebe to Joey
"Yeah, toast, oatmeal - nothing that spatters." - Joey
(Everybody looks at Chandler)
"What are you looking at me for?  I didn't know that." - Chandler

"We went to camp together.  She taught me how to kiss." - Rachel
"Yeah!" - Joey
"Now, you know I'm like the other woman.  Ugh, I feel so-"
"Naughty" - Joey

"The first time didn't really count.  You know, it's Barry." - Rachel

(Joey walks in on Monica and Rachel hugging)
"Big day" - Joey

"Tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,
soon they'll grow up and resent you so much,
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,
And you cry and you cry and you cry" - Phoebe's heartwarming song

"Everyday is lesbian lover's day." - Funny line, but definitely false

"Wait!  You forgot your legs!" - random janitor

"I will always have gum." - Monica to the newly born baby

"Dear god!  This parachute is a knapsack."

Playlist
I'm going to give you guys my 50 favorite tracks of 2013.  I didn't want to make a huge blogpost out of it and don't want to start a music blog so I'll just reveal some at each new post, 10 at a time.  This is in no particular order.  (Also, I only picked one song by an artist for the entire list so not repeat performers)
1. "Love Natural" - Crystal Fighters
2. "Do I Wanna Know?" - Arctic Monkeys
3. "Hearts Like Ours" - The Naked and the Famous
4. "Blood on the Leaves" - Kanye West
5. "Dead Man's Shoes" - The Virginmarys
6. "Domo 23" - Tyler, the Creator - I do not like Tyler, but this song is awesome
7. "The Bullet" - Daniel Wesley (Not on Youtube, but if you like 90s rock, this is right up your alley)
8. "Open" - Rhye
9. "Normal Person" - Arcade Fire
10. "Bitter Rivals" - Sleigh Bells

Friends: The Monkey (E19, E21-22)

Well, Friends had pretty much hit its stride at this point.  I cover three episodes and all of them receive B+.  That can probably safely describe Friends.  Reliably an above average show that will make you laugh, but (usually) never the best thing on television.  Well, maybe it could have been in the 1990s when TV was objectively worse than it has been in the 2000s, but I think you get the point.  Two of these episodes feature the monkey pretty prominently.  Your approval or disapproval of the creature likely depends on whether you like those episodes (I'm apathetic about the monkey).  The other one mostly doesn't feature any major subplots except to lead the audience to the birth in the next episode.

"The One Where the Monkey Gets Away"
This is a pretty good episode that highlights Rachel's transformation as a person and Ross-Rachel's relationship.  It also delays the inevitable with a pretty stupid twist having Barry still be in love with Rachel.  This is probably the worst sign of stalling yet on this show.  Paolo wasn't a character, but at least the idea of what he represented made sense.

Ross finds out that Rachel is no longer interested in a penis embargo and is interested in the right guy.  Ross sees this as a sign to attempt to "woo" her.  He sees the perfect timing to try this when he goes to pick up Marcel by bringing wine over.

Rachel of course loses Marcel when he poops in the shoe.  I think this is a pretty classic scene as I remember seeing this specific scene on another television show or movie in the background.  She lets Marcel get away.  She throws away his poop on the wedding invitation.  Why does she need to walk outside to do this?  I guess she wanted to get the poop out of the apartment which I can accept.  I also feel like she would have seen Marcel when she went back into the house.  Oh well.  (There was another scene where it look like one of the friends should have clearly seen Marcel, but fine)

Ross spends most of the rest of the episode yelling at Rachel about losing his monkey.  (Each time monkey was used as a euphemism was funny and takes every other use of monkey to a different level).  He naturally extends that frustration with Rachel missing the signs that Ross wants to be with her.

Rachel mistakenly calls Animal Control, which is actually understandable.  Unfortunately, the worker there happens to have a vendetta against Rachel (Monica was fat, she had her own problems) and Marcel is apparently illegal to own in the city.

The purpose of the worker is to show the difference between pre-Friends Rachel and Friends Rachel.  It's a clearly different person.  She still is adjusting and at least she's now trying to live on her own. (Witness her memorization of every muffin, but she said it to the wrong guy)

Joey and Ross look for the monkey and come across two sweaty, loosely clothed hot girls.  Hilarity ensues.  It's funny to think they could enter probably a dream of theirs, but they had to save Marcel.  For once, Joey ruins it and not Chandler with the girls.

So Ross tries to make his original plan on Rachel and it's going well until Barry walks in out of nowhere.  A thing that somewhat saves this scene is Ross' reaction, which is appropriately funny and self-referential to the show.  Otherwise, it's way too obvious of a stalling tactic used by the show.

This episode was written by the team of Jeff Astrof and Mike Sikowitz, who wrote five episodes in season one and left after just season two.  They later were both developers of The Wild Thornberry's.  I don't know what a developer is, but it's not a creator and it was under the writing credits for both of them.

It was directed by the unfortunately named Peter Bonerz, who directed 12 episodes over four seasons before stopping.  Bonerz is best-known for acting in the role of Dr. Jerry Robinson on The Bob Newhart Show.  (Disclaimer: I've never seen the show; before my time)

It's a good episode undone by some unfortunate improbabilities (in addition to Barry, what the heck is with Heckles stealing the monkey?).  It's not enough to ruin the episode, but I can't give it an A.

Grade - B+

"The One with the Fake Monica"
Thus ends the era of Marcel the monkey.  I never hated the monkey like a lot of people do, but I've never loved it that much.  I haven't really found an episode I hated due to the monkey.  Of course, I never found myself missing the monkey either.

Anyway, the episode parodies parents looking for colleges for their kids when they have Ross look for zoos for Marcel to go to.  I'm not sure if monkeys actually experience sexual stages where they need a partner, but it seems plausible enough and I'm not curious enough to google the accuracy.

The actual farewell was surprisingly effective.  The monkey being taken away combined with the music and the look on Ross' face make you feel reasonably sad that it's happening even if you don't care about the monkey.  The important thing is that Ross cares about the monkey leaving which the scene effectively conveys.

Meanwhile, Monica encounters a case of someone stealing her credit card.  She befriends her and realizes she wants to be her.  This plot is ultimately unimportant, but nonetheless kind of a good showcase for Courtney Cox.  She is not satisfied with how little she actually does in her life, which I think most people can relate to.  The ending where she joins the dance class is seen as a triumph of sorts.

Lastly, there's a very short, but really hilarious part where Joey is trying to find a better name for a role.  Chandler mockingly suggest Joe Stalin, which Joey finds as a really good nickname.  It's hilarious in part because I could see Joey not knowing who that is and also because Chandler's face when he is telling him is so perfectly played.

This episode was written by two writers who usually write alone.  Adam Chase wrote 16 episodes over six seasons before leaving the show.  This is his fourth credited writing episode on the show, although he wrote three of them within the first 11 episodes.  (More impressive since the creators wrote quite a few of those themselves).  Ira Ungerleider wrote nine episodes over three seasons before leaving.  He (she?) wrote the classic bottle episode "The One Where No One's Ready."

It was directed by Gail Mancuso, who directed 14 episodes of Friends starting with this one.  She won an Emmy for directing an episode of Modern Family and has directed 95 shows/movies.  She regularly appeared in every season after this one until season five, when she stopped.

I liked this episode, but it's pretty unmemorable I guess.  So points off for that.

Grade - B+

"The One with the Ick Factor"
The one where Monica has sex with a minor would be a more apt title.  Their are four storylines in this episode, although two take up a short amount of time or significance.  Ross gets a beeper (Hey it's 1995 alert!) so that he will know when Carol goes into labor.  Chandler finds out his co-workers don't like him.  And Rachel has sex dreams about all the guys.

Rachel dreams about having sex with first Chandler and then Chandler and Joey.  They get a fair amount of humor from this with Chandler's cocky bravado mixed with his self-deprecating humor, Ross' jealousy, and the dreams themselves.  It's a pretty inconsequential plot that almost led to something happening between Ross and Rachel.  It doesn't which makes it completely inconsequential.

Ross' pager number is 555-JIMBO for some reason which is really close to 555-JUMBO.  He keeps getting calls about people who are looking for sex - it's apparently a really popular sex line cause Ross gets a lot of calls.  I wish the pager number wasn't so randomly JIMBO just to make it close to JUMBO, but that's also a pretty funny plot that leads Ross to see the pager at the end and sarcastically say "Great, now I'm having a baby."

Chandler finds out no one likes him at works.  This works because Chandler would be the type to care what other people think about him.  It's a fairly standard sitcom trope, but it's perfectly in character.  Plus, it leads to Ross and Joey to make an impression on him, which is hilarious.  Plus, Chandler learns to just accept it and pays his price secretly by having his imitators working on the weekends.  (You can't just make fun of the boss out in the open like that!)

Then, Monica has sex with a minor.  There's a weird "love" thing thrown around in this episode which feels like they are diminishing the word since Ethan is a one-episode character.  That's a bit of a problem in this episode.  We are kind of supposed to accept they have either been dating awhile or are close to being in love if not in love.  That could be true, but it's not really effective in one episode.

The actor who played Ethan was adequate although in no way believable as a 17-year-old man.  His voice certainly sounded young, but that was about it.  The actor was 26 by the way.  But it's still reasonably funny so it's not a total dud or anything.

This episode was written by Alexa Junge, her third episode thus far.  Junge was a Friends writer for five seasons, writing 12 episodes over her run.  The most amount of episodes she wrote was five in a season in Season 2.  Her best written episode may very well be the best of the entire show with "The One Where Everybody Finds Out."

The director of the episode was Robby Benson, who interestingly enough is best-known for playing the beast on Beauty and the Beast.  This is his only directed episode of the season, but he comes back to direct five episodes in 1997 and then never returns.  Sitcom directors make me scratch my head.

Grade - B+

Quotes (Lots of Joey quotes here)
"What happened to forget relationships, I'm done with men - the whole penis embargo?" - Ross

"Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie just so long as there's a little nudity" - Joey's movie philosophy

"You're a monkey.  You're loose in the city.  Where do you go?" - Joey

"Oh my god, you'd put that poor little creature in jail?" - Phoebe

"We have got to start locking that door." - Ross after Barry walks in on Ross-Rachel

"Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity." - Ross
"Hey!  He beat ya!"- Joey about Chandler

"You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?" - Joey

"Marcel, I'm hungry." - Joey's goodbye to Marcel

"I'm sorry, it was a one-time thing.  We were very drunk and it was someone else's subconscious." - Chandler's rationalization for dream sex with Rachel

"I just had sex with someone who wasn't alive during the bicentennial." - Monica
"I just had sex." - Ethan, and thus was born the Lonely Island song

Playlist
1. "Inhaler" - Foals
2. "Best of Friends" - Palma Violets
3. "Ambitionz as a Ridah" - Tupac
4. "Gas Money (Remix)" - Youtube rappers
5.  "Primetime" - Janalle Monae ft. Miguel

Friends: Bad Episode Titles (S1 E12-13, 15)

Mostly due to the structure of other posts, the episodes are slightly out-of-order.  There's no big theme connecting any of these episodes making this introduction pointless and difficult.  I will say that Friends didn't know how to title their episodes.  The "One with Dozen Lasagnas" is a hilariously bad title because it's barely even in the episode.  "The One with the Boobies" I guess is appropriate since I instantly know which episode it is, but it's also debatably the worst plot in its episode.  Anyway, I felt I should say something, because well I need an introduction.

"The One with Dozen Lasagnas"
The episode ends the Paolo era of Friends and thank God.  His first appearance wasn't terribly annoying just because it was realistic.  But a relationship that lasted over a month with a person who couldn't speak the same language as the other?  Yeah, this was never going to be a strong story.  Thankfully, they mostly ignored this (he only appeared in three episodes despite being Rachel's boyfriend for much longer), but it got worse and worse whenever it was brought up.

So Rachel is going on a weekend trip with Paolo for the first time.  Cue Rachel saying it's much more than a fling. *GAG*  Seriously I didn't need Friends to come up with a worthy candidate to Ross or anything, but you know a person who speaks English and has personality traits outside of "HOT" would be nice.  Ross and the guys talking about how Paolo made them sick seemed very meta to me, but it might not have been.  But they spoke for the fans, that's for sure.

Then Paolo makes a pass at Phoebe, which didn't really bother me.  When a character's traits amount to sexuality, it's stupid to complain when that person is apparently obsessed with sex 24/7.  So given the little information the writers give us, it made sense that he would try and cheat on Rachel.  He's a huge idiot for trying on one of her friends though.

So Phoebe tells Rachel.  Then it's sort of frustrating for me at least, because Rachel says some very normal and common sense things after a break up amounting to "Why am I so stupid?"  The difference being here is that I wondered the same damn thing.  So while that moment was supposed to be touching, it just didn't.  Because it speaks really ill of Rachel as a character for her to be in a relationship with Paolo for as long as she did.  (Though I guess at this point Rachel still has her superficial traits and this is a step towards her development as a person)  I will say that I did like how that story created a bond between two characters who just got to know each other in Phoebe and Rachel.  I suppose they could have created an annoying riff between the two that most sitcoms would definitely do, but they solve their differences remarkably amicably.

Ross gets double duty here.  A relatively minor subplot about the sex of Ross' baby is introduced.  I kind of enjoyed this one.  Mostly, because I think I'd be the type of person who didn't want to know, but found it impossible to not resist asking anyway.  And the way it got accidentally spilled to him was a good moment too.  The audience isn't going to care enough to wait more than the end of this episode so they pretty much had to reveal it this episode.  And the way it tied into Paolo-Rachel's breakup was rather clever in my opinion.

I realize Chandler and Joey aren't exactly the standard bearers of stable, long-term relationships, but they gave Ross some pretty bad advice in my opinion.  I don't think the answer would be to be the first person Rachel sees after the jerk.  Why would that work?  If the writers intended for it to be bad advice, kudos to them I guess.  It's definitely in character for them to give the advice that they do.

I did love when Ross is comforting Rachel (which is sweet to be fair), she says she never wants to look or touch another man again.  Rachel doesn't think of Ross as a viable partner so she doesn't even think about the fact that he is a man.  The last scene in the pilot where Ross asks if he can ask Rachel on a date sometime was probably a misstep because Rachel has otherwise been completely oblivious that Ross wants her.  Without that scene, it may be a bit more plausible.  (Though Ross' attempts haven't exactly been subtle)

But Ross' pathetic attempts to try to get Rachel to date the "right guy" seemed out-of-place.  Ross would realize he should wait and I didn't see the point of trying to argue for the "right guy."  I mean I get it, he's talking about himself.  But still, you tried and she gave you her answer (though indirectly) so move on for now.

Lastly, a pretty inconsequential plot of Chandler and Joey needing to buy a new table because Joey literally threw keys on it to cause it to fall.  There wasn't much to this as they basically just compared it to a couple.  It works though because Chandler and Joey's relationship is one of the more reliable aspects of this show.  And I found it hilarious.

This episode was written by four different people.  I didn't think any disconnect is the problem with this episode though, just the Paolo plot line.  In fact the stories mesh together quite well surprisingly considering this. (Then again Toy Story had like a dozen writers and that movie turned out alright)

Overall, the episode was dominated by one of the worst decisions this show ever made.  For some reason, Paolo comes back in Season 2.  The fact that the other two were pretty pleasant, innocent and funny redeems it a little.  I also laughed a lot in this episode.  But it's a slightly above average episode.

Grade - B

"The One with the Boobies"
Written by Alexa Junge, this episode has some strong parts and some not so strong parts.  In fact, I loved one plot, hated another, and keep flipping back and forth on in if the third plot was stupid or not.  So good luck to me on grading this.

To begin the episode, Chandler sees Rachel's boobies.  That's not exactly a great or original premise in a sitcom so it's not off to a great start.  Wouldn't our idea of these friends indicate that they wouldn't be bothered by accidentally seeing another person naked?  I'm not saying that's true for all friends, I'm saying it's true for THESE friends.  So basically the whole episode hinges on us forgetting that.

That's not the plot I hated though, that's the one I can't decide on.  I liked the playful ribbing about it in the coffee house soon after that first scene, but I didn't like the friends' continued insistence on her seeing Chandler's penis.  Rachel isn't going to walk into the bathroom to see Chandler naked.  But I for some reason liked the game of telephone the friends played when they kept walking in to see one friend naked only to see a different one until Monica saw Joey's dad.

Speaking of Joey's dad, he's ok in this role, but there's a reason he's never in another episode of Friends.  Played by the impossibly experienced Robert Costanza (258 roles!), he seems believable enough.  I really like the direction they took this story both for its twists and turns and for Joey's self-reflection on himself.

So Joey finds out that Joey's dad is cheating on his wife.  He found out in a pretty believable way too since we later find out that Joey's dad is no James Bond.  I think I like every part of this story.  I like that Joey takes on the parents' role to his father and his mistress.  I like the surprise that Joey's mom knew about it all along.

I really liked that they used this as an opportunity to look at Joey as a womanizer.  He may sleep with countless women without even thinking about it, but he values the sanctity of marriage apparently.  He doesn't want to lose the right woman that he finds.  It revealed a depth of Joey that I don't think the show had previously explored.

I HATE the other story line.  Hate is a strong word, and I'm just doing it in the honor of all the friends hating Phoebe's shrink boyfriend.  First of all, I don't like what it says about what the show thinks about shrinks.  Oh wow, shrinks are constantly analyzing people and don't take a minute off and have to take their job with you.  They are also smarmy pricks who tell you things you don't want to hear.

The shrink basically fills in the friend's deficiencies for the audience.  It's a pretty lazy storytelling device - show, don't tell - and anyway it doesn't really tell us anything new.  Once the punchline became apparent - the shrink is putting his theories on his friends - it wasn't that funny.  When Phoebe tells him that her friends hate him, I actually like his rant against the friends.  It seemed like a meta-commentary on the show already.  I'll give the writers some credit for that, mostly because creating a story with the show commenting on itself was still kind of an original premise back then.

Also, the friends final reflection on how they have to let their parents go and that they themselves have to be parents was a good moment.  Of course, it was followed by the punchline that I quote later about Chandler's parents.  (You'll have to look below to see it)

Overall, it was an ok story, but at least it helped develop Joey as a character while seemingly commenting on the show itself.

Grade - B

"The One with the Stoned Guy"
Hey!  An episode title that pretty accurately describes the most memorable part of an episode!  I am not sure if this is correct, but I think this is the first episode that has a storyline specifically about the direction of a friend's career.  And it covers not one, but two of the friends future job status.

But first, the "C" story to this episode, which also happens to be the most sitcom-y, is elevated due to one specific scene.  Ross is dating a girl who wants to talk dirty.  Ross is bewildered by this.  It makes perfect sense for him to be confused at this point.  He's still only had sex with one person (which won't change due to this episode) and talking dirty to basically a stranger has to be weird.

I really like what they are doing with Ross' character this season, which I know they end up ruining.  He's trying the dating game and he's failing at it.  But he seems to be getting a little more successful with each woman.  I don't remember if he has sex with anybody until Julie, but I really hope he doesn't.

Anyway, the highlight of that plot is of course when Ross is practicing how to talk dirty with Joey.  It's pretty funny at first and then Chandler walks in.  Matthew Perry doesn't really do anything particularly funny, it's just hilarious to imagine what he would be thinking at this moment.  This is a pretty solid "C" story that helps develop Ross' progression away from Carol.

The "A" story is about Monica trying out for a new head chef position.  They introduce this by having Phoebe offer Chandler the position, which doesn't really work because it makes Phoebe look dumber than she should be and feels forced.

But the story works for two reasons for me.  One is Jon Lovitz.  He appears on screen for about four minutes of the 24 minutes and he manages to make it a memorable four minutes.  It was a good use of a popular comedian for a guest appearance.  It hardly even matters than there's no way a person like him would get a position to hire a head chef.

The other reason is because she has to make the uncomfortable decision to hire Wendy over Rachel.  It makes sense honestly as the opening reminds us of how horrible of a waitress she is.  However, Rachel seems to step up to her A game to waitress and shows that she's capable if she puts her mind to it.  Of course, she didn't appear to have to do much, but it was nice to see her stand up for herself by holding out for $20 per hour.

Speaking of holding out for more money, Chandler's evolution to accepting a position he has no interest in attaining was clever.  I actually thought this was one of the lesser laugh-out loud Chandler stories in this season, but it still works due to the relevancy on the character.  The primary purpose of a sitcom is to be funny, but the second purpose is definitely to create a complex character.  Chandler's selling out due to an apparently egregious salary reveals a lot about the type of person he is.

Also, one of the few laughs generated due to that storyline was anytime there was a mention of the WENUS.  Call me immature, but it never fails to crack me up.  Also, I did like the ending of the episode where Chandler finds himself becoming what he feared.  I liked it because it creates the impression that Chandler is actually good at his job.  Previously, he seemed like a slacker, but I find his capability at his job important to find it plausible.  Yes, Friends sometimes veered into parody, but mostly it tried to create a realistic world.  Having Chandler be incompetent while he is basically begged back into his job would have ruined it for me.

I think a large reason for the success of this episode is in its integration of all of its characters.  The best Friends episodes are episodes where everyone is involved.  Monica and Rachel have an intersecting story that is written seamlessly together.  Joey's primary purpose in this episode is to inform Ross on how to talk dirty.  Chandler works at quitting his job before ultimately succumbing to money.  Phoebe is sort of vital to the multiple stories but remains on the outside of each by getting Monica the job opportunity by knowing Jon Lovitz and visiting Chandler's office so Chandler can show off Jan.  ("That'll be all.  I promise that's the last time")

This episode was written by Jeff Greenstein and Jeff Strauss, a duo who was only hired for this first season.  It was a pretty big loss in my opinion as they wrote four of the better episodes.  I've already graded three of them, and I remember "The One with the Birth" being a great episode as well.

Overall, I really liked two of the stories and the third story was average but had one really hilarious scene.

Grade - A-

Quotes
"What am I supposed to do: call immigration?...... I could call immigration" - Ross about Paolo

"I'm sorry I'm just excited about being an aunt!" Monica - "Or an uncle?" Joey

"Paolo, I just want to say and I think I speak for everyone when I say (slams door)" - Amen Ross

"HEY!  WE ALREADY KNEW THAT!" - Chandler and Joey then hug upon finding out Ross' new baby is a boy

"That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular area" - Chandler upon seeing Rachel's boobies

"Did you know this isn't Ma?" - Joey after he intercepts his dad's private chat with his mistress

"Hey I married a lesbian to make you look good!" - Ross in a line they probably wanted to use before figuring out this story

"If I turn into my parents, I'll either end up like an alcoholic blonde chasing after 20-year-olds or I'll end up like my mom." - Chandler with the line of the night

"Ah man.  Does this mean we have to start buying our own toilet paper?" - Joey after finding out Chandler quit
"That was Joey Tribbiani with the big picture." - Ross

"Hey!  You can see your nipples through your shirt." - Rachel after she previously told him you couldn't

"I want to take my tongue and..." - Ross
"Say it.  Say it!" - Joey
"run it all over your body until you're trembling with" - Ross
(Chandler sits down) "With??" - Chandler

"Well smack my ass and call me Judy!" - Jon Lovitze

Yes, Fran, I know what time it is and I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!" - Chandler

Next week:  The Friends first hourlong episode (which is counted as two episodes) and an episode where they play poker, which I don't remember well, but which definitely has all the friends involved so I'm pretty optimistic about next week's episodes.

Programming Note: I'm only posting Friends recaps for the next two weeks.  On Thursday, I will most likely be celebrating my birthday and the next Thursday is in the midst of my Finals week so I just decided to not cram a season of a show in that schedule.  My next Thursday post will be December 19, either on Justified or the fourth season of The Simpsons most likely.

Playlist
1. "Scapegoat" - Atmosphere
2. "Do I Wanna Know?" - Arctic Monkeys
3. "Gimme Shelter" - The Rolling Stones
4. "D.A.N.C.E." - Justice
5. "Breakfast at Tiffany's" - Deep Blue Something

Friends: The Holiday Episodes (S1: E9-10, 14)

Ah, it's a sitcom tradition to have the characters celebrate various holidays together.  It makes sense because the holidays are times that drive people closer together... and drive people nuts.  That combination is perfect for sitcoms that need an excuse to get all of its characters into one place and then have them squabble.  I had this holiday-themed post planned, but it's just good luck that it falls the week before Thanksgiving.

Of course, one of the holidays in this season is Thanksgiving.  They also dealt with News Year, which actually strikes me as the most obvious holiday for a series about a close-knit group of friends.  Thanksgiving is for families, New Years is for friends.  Then lastly, I skipped a few episodes to get to their Valentine's episode, also a pretty natural holiday to focus on given how much emphasis is placed on relationships in this show.

"The One Where the Underdog Gets Away"

I really wish the first ten or so minutes of this episode were as good as the last ten or so minutes.  This episode was short on humor compared to the rest of the episodes, but when they get locked out of their door, it becomes strangely compelling.  Some of the yelling - and really most of those last few minutes are just Monica yelling - isn't necessarily funny, but it just strikes as true.

Thanksgiving has a very high standard that pretty much everyone has.  It's also rooted in tradition for most families so you can rely on getting roughly the same meal at the same place with the same people every year.  Now, Monica suddenly has the burden of five other people's traditions and high expectations.  Every single thing she yells is 100% true and I feel the urge to thank my parents for making Thanksgiving the way it is as a result.  I don't think that was the purpose of the episode, but that's what I'm taking from it.

Anyway, Ross goes to find a skull that Carol borrowed - it could have literally been anything, the writers just needed an excuse to get Ross over there - and finds out that Susan has been talking to the baby through Carol's stomach.  Ross doesn't buy it, but does it anyway because he's jealous.  Ross is kind of a whiny bitch in this episode.  Although I will say it does make sense that he would talk to the baby anyway, because he feels left out, which of course he is.  But his incessant whining about Monica not making Thanksgiving the way their mom did was frankly annoying as shit.  Maybe that's why Monica's rant really worked for me.

So Ross talking to the baby fell almost completely flat for me, humor-wise.  I have to give the writers a little respect for trying to give an update on the baby situation, but almost nothing was funny and again Ross ends up looking badly (although mostly not due to this story line).

There's not really a plot, or rather the plot is just a collection of things that happens to allow the friends to be forced to have Thanksgiving together.  They actually came up with some pretty great reasons.  Just plain good writing.  Ross and Monica get the ball rolling because their parents are on vacation.  This is oddly enough the weakest reasoning of the six to me.

Chandler doesn't participate in Thanksgiving because of his childhood experience.  They've strongly hinted at Chandler's terrible childhood in past episodes and I think this one is the first to just give us a good example.  Phoebe's reasoning is shaky, but so far they've really beaten into the ground that's she's quirky and different so her grandmother's boyfriend celebrating Thanksgiving in December isn't out of nowhere at least.  

Rachel and Joey's problems are the real gems if you ask me though.  Of course Rachel's family goes skiing every Thanksgiving and since Rachel is cut off, she needs money for the flight.  In the opening scene, her one-time boss Terry didn't really seem funny to me.  It's hard to mess up him telling Rachel what an awful waitress she was, but he did.  I can imagine Matthew Perry making this funny and I have to blame the actor for why it's not funny.

So Rachel fails at collecting the money so the friends give her $100.  I didn't know they could make "Swoop, swoop, swoop" as funny as it was, but it was funnier each time they said it.  (It was actually not funny at all at first, but then it got funny I should say).  

Joey, on the other hand, was modeling for a disease, and he gets stuck with being the poster child for venereal diseases.  That girl he talked with on the subway was remarkably forward.  I think the writers overemphasized it in order to show how much the ad ruined it for Joey.  Anyway, when he turns around and sees the ad, I lose it.  Then, in the closing credits, he tries ripping off the bottom - because of course Joey still wants to be on an ad - and he keeps getting terrible associations like "stop wife beaters"and "hemorrhoids."

And to clear up the argument between Rachel and Monica, she clearly asked "Got the keys?"  The way Rachel says "Okay" is kind of the perfect combination to where I can imagine Monica thinking Rachel is getting the keys and Rachel saying it meaning... well "okay."  It's all-around terrible communication.

Lastly, this is a terrible episode title.  My God, Friends writers, does anyone think of the underdog getting away when thinking of this episode?  I saw the title and knew it was about Thanksgiving, but had no idea what it was about.

Grade - B+

"The One With the Monkey"
Holy crap.  This is the exact same episode as the Thanksgiving episode thematically speaking.  The friends all have plans for the holiday and they all fall through before the big date.  The difference is that in the Thanksgiving episode, they can't be with their families and in the new year's episode, they have no one to kiss.  Otherwise, it is the exact same premise.

This episode tried to make the audience care about two relationships that formed in this very episode.  Well, I'm not so sure they tried to make us care about Ross' relationship with the monkey, but they certainly acted like he's had a monkey for a while.  The other relationship is between David and Phoebe, who get together and break up in the same episode.

Hank Azaria, who plays David, is awesome so this story works.  It has no business working.  I don't know how long the time period is between them meeting and New Years, but it's got to be less than a month.  The emotional resonance the writers were asking for just wasn't there, because this relationship lasted less than 20 minutes in our minds.  But it still works and is probably a reason why they bring him back in Season.... 9-10?

Getting them together was an unnecessary contrivance.  So Phoebe is expected to play for a coffee shop and literally no one is allowed to talk during this performance?  That's pretty much what the show is expecting us to believe - at least this one time.  Because she calls him out - and while I understand how annoying it is to play music with people talking (actually I don't, but just go with it), this just seems like something you have to deal with given the setting.  And there is no way they were talking THAT loud.

Anyway, on to the good stuff.  I essentially like that the two major scenes we see with Phoebe and David has Phoebe playing the role of David.  Instead of writing what a typical guy would do in a romance fantasy, they have Phoebe writing it.  She tells David to clear the counter and throw her on the counter, which of course he does very delicately. (Though to be fair, there was a computer on there)

Then, so the audience doesn't think Phoebe is a bitch for making him abandon his dream to go to Minsk, she has to initiate the breakup.  It's actually kind of sweet when she argues with hypothetical David with how she is supposed to respond.  So count me a fan of Phoebe-David (sorry though Hank, I'm definitely pro-Paul Rudd in Phoebe relationships)

The other was Ross and the monkey.  In theory, having a character complain about an animal like it was a real roommate is a solid concept.  I guess it doesn't translate well.  The whining from Ross became really annoying.  Get over it Ross.  It's a fucking monkey.  What did you expect?

Anyway, it probably doesn't work most of all, because he gets the monkey in this episode.  Like they should have done this story after a few appearances by the monkey.  The parody of the situation is that Ross is tired of his monkey.  But it's been a few weeks (if that).  To work like a real parody, it needs to have been a few months or so.  It just doesn't work and the humor falls flat.

As far as the reasons why each character doesn't have someone to kiss at the end, I'll go through each character and why they ended up with no one.  Rachel's was funny and appropriate, because she should stop being with the goddamn plot contrivance that is Paolo.  This works better on binge watching, but at the time this implies they've been together for months.  How?  He barely speaks English.  So I enjoyed a storyline that essentially punished her for still being with him.

Chandler's story works because Janice.  Is there really that much pressure to have someone to kiss on New Years?  I guess I'll accept that in 1994 New York there was.  If I can accept that, I can REALLY buy Chandler succumbing so easily, because that's the type of person he is.  Joey's situation made no sense.  Ok, his date brought kids fine. (It was sort of expected after finding out she was a mom)  But why the hell did she sleep with the scientist guy?  Oh well, we have no idea how to make Joey and her not kiss at midnight, let's just do this completely implausible thing.

Having fun Bobby have a death in his family was hilarious to me so kudos for that decision.  I also like how they just didn't even have Ross try to get a date.  Everyone else gets dates, he realizes he's the only one who won't, but still he's just like "Fuck it, I'm going with a monkey."  Man, I'm trying to figure out how they get from season one Ross to later seasons Ross.  Totally different characters.

Grade - C+

"The One with the Candy Hearts"

And here's the Valentine's Day episode, which is shockingly different than the previous two holiday episodes.  I kid, I kid.  This is another Chandler-Janice story so of course it works.  Seriously, give Matthew Perry anything in this season and he'll make it funny.  I had trouble quoting any lines for this episode, but laughed a lot.  It had a lot to do with his movements and the way he said things that don't come across as funny on paper.

Well, Joey is certainly a grade A asshole in this episode.  Holy crap, he basically forces Chandler to go on a date with him and then bails on him knowing full well Chandler doesn't want to be there.  It's kind of in character, but I'd hope even womanizing men like him would be able to have their friends in mind.

Chandler ends up being a nice friend and going of course.  And of course he stays with Janice at the date because he's not an asshole.  The credit card thing is smart to put in the plot so both of them have a reason to stay (free food!) and a reason to hook up (alcohol).  But Joey is pretty broke and him paying for the meal despite his actions are completely inconsistent with his character.

So of course Chandler and Janice get together.  Then it borders on absurdity when Janice and Chandler walk out, and eventually all the friends say hi to Janice.  It's actually kind of funny in that the more people that see Janice, the more absurd the scene becomes.  And then there's Chandler's responses to everything ranging from sarcastic to begging her to leave. Most of them funny.

Then Chandler breaks up with Janice and she insists this isn't the end - which it isn't of course.  I like how hard Chandler tries to tell her that it is in fact over.  So this isn't the last we see of Janice!  She appears in 16 more episodes!  But it is the last time in this season.

Maggie Wheeler will always be remembered for playing Janice.  In fact, this role kind of started her semi-decent career of guest-starring on comedy television shows.  After this show, she ended up having recurring roles in Ellen, Everybody Loves Raymond, and Archer.  I have to wonder if this show typecast her or helped her somewhat unimpressive career become what it was.  Although, there is really nothing to indicate she's all that good of an actress anyway who deserved better than this very respectable career (one that I would take if I became an actor).  But... in her first episode, there's no reason to believe she would have returned if Wheeler didn't make it memorable.

This episode was written by Bill Lawrence, his only credit episode on this show.  He later went on to create Spin City, Scrubs, and Cougar Town.  That's a decent stable of shows (though I've never seen Cougar Town) so it's not a surprise that this is a pretty good episode.  In addition to Janice subplot, Ross tries to go on a date for the first time in nine years.

Man, they REALLY changed his character.  Ross is, as of this episode, is a man who is lost who doesn't know how to function after he's been with the same woman for years.  He has next to no experience with woman.  And explaining the jet lag of dogs was just painful to listen to.  It was a very believable bad date.

Surprisingly, they treated this material very well.  The woman wasn't insane, it was Ross who messed up the date.  But the way he messed up is really understandable in that he doesn't really know what to do.  Hell, the woman left and the audience can't even blame her because he had effectively ignored her.

The scene where Ross tries to get Carol to get back together with him was a very real and sympathetic scene.  You get what he's going through.  He doesn't want to go on dates, he just wants everything to be easy.  I know Ross became funnier in the later seasons, but this version of Ross was a better character.  This portion of the episode was just extremely well-written.

The last subplot?  Eh.  I'm not going to waste too many words with it, but basically Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel have a ritual to burn ex-boyfriends, let the fire get out of hand, and then flirt with jackass fireman.  It wasn't really funny, or revealing, or anything to me.  I don't even know how to describe my feelings towards it because it elicit nothing.  Not even anger or disgust or displeasure.  Just boring.

Well I got to give this a pretty good grade, but it's too bad one subplot did literally nothing for me at all.

Grade - B+

Quotes

"Ross, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but BACK OFF" - Phoebe

"Ok Monica only dogs can hear you now" - Chandler

"Oh, you got the bigger half, what did you wish for?" - Phoebe

"The bigger half" - Joey

"I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman." - Phoebe

"I made a smile and eyes of coal, the smile was so bewitching.  How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?" - A really catchy, yet disturbing song by Phoebe

"I think that bitch cracked my tooth" - Rachel after Ross goes on about him and his monkey growing apart

"Janice is going to go away now" - Chandler desperately trying to get Janice to leave

"Now we need the semen of a righteous man" - Phoebe in her ritual

"Number three, learn to let go of the anger and try to love yourself" - helpful fireman advice

Playlist
1. "Ab Soul's Intro" - Terrace Martin ft. Ab Soul
2. "Champagne Supernova" - Oasis
3. "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" - The Temptations
4. "Hey Judas" - Black Star Riders
5. "Keep Ya Head Up" - Tupac

Friends: A Baby, A Thumb, and a Broken Nose (S1: E2-4)

"The One With the Sonogram at the End"
I feel like this episode is loaded with important plots that could have been spread out a bit more.  Ross finds out he has a child, we get some important information about Ross and Monica's childhood, and Rachel needs to give the ring back to Barry (the last is more important, character-wise).

This show opens with the friends talking about how boys and girls like sex.  This is pretty weak actually.  It's not really that clever or original.  (Wow so boys think the kissing isn't important and girls do!!)  This is the kind of humor that's really broad and none of the humor is character-based.  I could see the scene in literally every sitcom ever made.

Then Carol, who changes actresses the next time we see her, tells Ross that she's pregnant.  They meet at Ross' work to show he's an archaeologist.  Ross talks with his co-worker and that part of the scene kind of falls flat.  Oh she hates men and transfers that over to the not real caveman?  Again, the show is suffering from not being original at all with their humor.

Then Ross, in a bit of a stretch for comedy's sake, breaks off the caveman's arm - Ross is many things, but he's not stupid.  But I did enjoy the visual of the fake hand hugging Ross when he hugs Carol.

Then Ross and Monica's parents come over for dinner.  They really toned down Monica's fear of her parents later on, and the evident disdain that Judy Gellar had for her daughter.  I understand harsh criticism, but that was just straight up cruel.  I will say that Jack's speech which was trying to make Monica feel better, but actually made her feel worse was well-done.  It's the type of thing I could see a parent saying unlike "Spaghetti?  That's.... easy" (And I do know what they were going for - my grandma is like that - but then again, I do have a grandma like that and it didn't really feel realistic).  And despite my doubt that it would ever actually happen, Judy's "And you knew about this?!" to Monica worked nonetheless. (I have too much to talk about in this post so I'll post about Christina Pickles and Elliot Gould specifically at a later date)

Then the episode basically splits into two stories.  Rachel needs to give back her ring to Barry.  Her leaving the ring in the lasagna actually makes sense - it's a very sitcom thing to do, but her inexperience with cooking makes this very plausible.  But what was not so plausible is that Monica would let her take care of the lasagna when she wants everything to go right with her parents.  Hell, she barely let Rachel make the dessert for Thanksgiving in one of the later seasons (the dessert with meat).  And that was a grown up Rachel who had six years to improve upon this one!

Then they overcompensated by making Barry into the biggest douchebag imaginable.  Some of that scene worked - such as the little kid getting his teeth done randomly interjected into them talking - and some of it didn't - such as when Barry says that Mindy won't settle for that ring.  Really?  There's no way he's that much of an asshole that he would say something like that.  Nonetheless, it is important in the development of Rachel Green.  So far, my estimation that it was a gradual change is correct as this is the kind of scene that subtly changes a person.

Lastly, Ross goes to meet with Carol and Susan - I suppose back then it was just funny that they were lesbians, because that shit would be under the microscope nowadays.  So that has dated.  Their arguments about the baby name and the last name were both good questions and good for the humor in the scene.  Again Ross acts like a bumbling idiot again, but I suppose this makes more sense given the situation than the first scene.  Then the episode ends with seeing the baby on the monitor - then the various friends react to it in the post-credits sequence.

Overall, this was a mediocre episode of television heightened above the average sitcom just because of the amount of laughs it provides.  I don't know how it works for other people, but Friends actually makes me laugh out loud a few times an episode, which other shows don't do.  I don't know if this is normal mostly because the things I hear about the show aren't totally positive.  But I'm fairly certain in saying that this show is much better than a show like The Big Bang Theory now, because it doesn't rely on stereotypes and not believable characters.

Grade - B-

"The One with The Thumb"
Despite the fact that this episode is a really sitcom-y episode, this episode works really well.  Part of that is that it does the sitcom-y portions about as well as you can.  Also, the audience finds out more about the main cast.  The show uses the central characters arguing with each other by pointing out their weaknesses for the first time.  The show runners were really good at doing this and making it funny.

The open of the episode is basically just the friends talking about relationship jingo that is incredibly out of date now.  That's not really a big problem with me, because it leads to Ross finding out his childhood dog didn't really go on a farm.  I don't really care if this is plausible or not, it's hilarious and makes the entire beginning worth it despite having aged.

Phoebe, previously a side character, gets her own story here, which is mostly self-contained.  She carries a story that involves literally no other people.  Her bank deposits an extra $500, which she cannot accept because it's not her money.  She then writes to the bank, who proceeds to give her a football phone and another $500.  Then she gives all her earnings and the phone to a homeless woman.  Phoebe reluctantly agrees to let the woman buy her a soda, which ends up having a thumb in it, which she receives $7,000 for.

This for the most part works.  The idea of trying to get rid of money and ending up with more and more than you originally got in the first place is a solid concept.  And the payoff to that story line was pretty great too with Phoebe offering $7,000 so Chandler will never smoke again.  "Yeah, alright" - which I list in the quotes, but which is only funny if you know what preceded it - a monologue about how he is weak and needs to smoke. (But Chandler paid her back right?  Because he did smoke again.  I've watched way too much Friends)

Speaking of the Chandler smoking story line, this doesn't work as well for me.  He can smoke outside if he really wants to hide it and most of the comedy of this is because he tries to hide smoking.  Interestingly enough, the way that they got Chandler to start smoking was surprisingly organic.  Joey's an actor - is this the first time the audience finds this out? - and needs to smoke for a role.  So of course Chandler will show him how to smoke.  And later seasons fill in Joey and Chandler's history - Joey I don't believe had lived with Chandler for three years, when Chandler had stopped smoking.  So Joey presumably knows that Chandler used to smoke, but not the experience of trying to get him to quit.  I know the episode didn't say this, but it didn't really say Joey was there three years ago either.

Then the best story line of the episode that ties the entire episode together is Monica's relationship with Alan.  They take this to the logical extreme of your friends liking your date more than you do.  It was reasonably funny and it was obvious where it was heading up.  The final scene with Monica breaking the news to the friends about how she will break up with Alan was just hilarious.  The friends went through the various breakup stages together and it just works.  It obviously wasn't meant to portray real life, but it went far enough into parody to work for me.

Overall, the three stories end up seamlessly connected with one another - you can't remove one of the stories or another story is negatively affected.  I think this was the show firing on all cylinders.  Chandler's story didn't work for me, but Matthew Perry salvages the scenes with his comedic talent.  The best episode so far.

Grade: A-

"The One with George Stephanapoulos"
This episode is about the two main conflicts the show started with: Ross getting over his relationship with Carol and Rachel accepting her new life.  They are pretty necessary developments for these characters.

Rachel needs to run into an area where she assesses her new life and how far she has come.  Somewhat understandably, especially given her past, she's not exactly happy with the outcome.  I mean she had a cushioned, sheltered life and now she's on her own, working as a waitress - and she's quite bad at it too.

The arrival of her rather obnoxious and one-note friends brings about that assessment.  It says a lot about her character that she spent time with these brainless dimwits.  But she's different now - not a lot different, but different enough for an audience to sympathize with her.  It helps that Jennifer Anniston plays her, as she's a somewhat underrated actress with some poor movie choices on her resume.

Phoebe is staying at Monica's, which means they have a slumber party.  The scene portrays years of friendship with how well they interact with each other.  Rachel's gloominess about how her life will turn out inevitably impacts the moods of the other two - It's not exactly like Monica or Phoebe are having terribly great lives planned out ahead of them at that moment.

Then they order a pizza which the pizza delivery boy got wrong because that's usually what happens when everything seems to be going wrong.  It was supposed to go to George Stephanapoulos, and that's where the episode loses me a little.  They talk about how attractive he is and then they talk about the guys.  This relates to me not even a little, which is fine I guess.  The only purpose of it is to juxtapose their statements about the guys with the guys doing something stupid.  It doesn't really work, especially since the guys' actions seems forced in order for comedy.

However, I'm surprised at two things.  Phoebe commenting on Joey being surprisingly tender, which is kind of true in that Joey is surprisingly sensitive for... well for being such a manwhore.  Then the comment where Monica thinks Chandler can surprise you was odd because Monica ended up with Chandler.  It's only odd because the writers had no intention of bringing them together.  This isn't the first foreshadowing that wasn't really a foreshadowing at the time for Monica and Chandler.

The other story line involves Ross getting over Carol.  There's a dumb joke about it being Ross' birthday, which was actually seven months ago.  Look, these guys are best friends and hang out all the time.  Are we supposed to believe that they wouldn't take Ross to a hockey game and would pick one of them to have a date instead?  That's weird.  One of the friends on a date and then a third wheel?  Why not just get to the point and say "We have three tickets and we want Ross to go."  It's actually plausible and not stupid.

In fact this entire story just misses.  Haha the emergency lady is fat and is complaining about a candy bar!  And really she's spending the notoriously busy work day of a nurse calling a company about her candy bar?  Then there's Ross getting hit by a hockey puck at the game and then fighting with a little kid and the puck hitting the nurse at the hospital.  Swing and a miss.

But we do find out that Ross has only been with Carol in his whole life, something that doesn't really jibe with Ross' dating profile after this episode.  But hey, at the time this was kind of important information.

Then the episode ends with Rachel getting a call from the credit card company and telling them she's fine.  And she means it.  This is important simply because the show wants to establish that Rachel would rather be here than be spoiled rich with someone she doesn't love.  With all the problems that Rachel goes through, it's important that the audience knows she's at least happy, if worried about her future.  (Or at least happier with these friends than her former life)

Grade - C+

Overall, that's now two important character-driven episodes that aren't terribly strong and one sitcom-y episode that is.  Wonder if that's going to be a trend.

Quotes
"Remember when life was simpler and she was just a lesbian?" (Ross) --- "Ah, those were the days" (Chandler) - Perry's delivery makes this line

"I'm not going to tell you what she spent on that wedding.... but $40,000 is  a lot of money." - Jack Gellar

"Well, you see what these people are doing.  They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get. the. job. done." - Ross about parents

"Hello Susan.  Good shake, good shake" - Ross

"Oh my God, Chi Chi" - Ross' reaction to finding out his dog wasn't sent to a farm

"You know what I like most about him though?  The way he makes me feel about myself" - Ross

"Oh you do, do you?" - Joey mocking Ross

"Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him!" - Chandler

"If you never smoke again, I'll give you $7,000! (Phoebe) "Yeah, alright" (Chandler)

"Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?" (Monica) "Probably kill myself" (Joey)

"Hey that woman has an ass like Carol's!  What?  I thought we were trying to find stuff." - Joey

"She's going for the pizza - HEY THAT'S NOT FOR YOU BITCH" - Phoebe

"Ha you're going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, palewaleeee I'm so very sorry.  Can I..... sign you?" - Ross upon seeing a man in a wheelchair after his original comment

Playlist
1. "Billie Jean" - Michael Jackson
2. "Hurricane" - MS MR
3. "Moving at the Speed of Life" - Living Legends
4. "Time of Season" - The Zombies
5. "Normal Person" - Arcade Fire

Friends: Pilot Episode

This is a new series where I watch a Friends episode and comment on it and hopefully be objective enough to grade it accurately.

This has been in the planning for quite some time.  Ever since I decided to start doing episode reviews of The Sopranos, doing the same for Friends episodes was always in the back of my mind.  I thought I'll do it in the summer when I have time.  Well, the changing of months from May to June was as good of an excuse as any to start.

To try and understand the impact of Friends on my life would be difficult.  I grew up on Friends.  It was my entry into television in a way.  Sure, I watched television before, but most of it was watched because it was just on.  I never had really gotten into a series before I got into Friends.  To my memory, there was never a bad Friends episode so objectivity will probably not be achieved in these posts.

I will do my best to try and analyze this from a critical standpoint, though I think the incredible fleshing out of all six characters is about the only thing necessary in this no-risk and relatively safe sitcom.  That and be funny.

I am aware of the type of show this is now that I've been exposed to more television.  It provides the same formula, follows the traditional sitcom strategy, and never really aims to be anything other than hilarious.  It's just six funny characters with a well-written script that just tries to make the audience laugh.

I guess I'll comment on the theme song and this will be the last time I do that.  This song is pretty much perfect for a sitcom.  It's catchy and stays in your head and when it starts playing, you are instantly geared up for the episode.  Also, the "I'll be there for you" line kind of took on a double meaning as in the show would be there for the viewers to enjoy as well as the obvious friends are there for each other.

Also, I'll be watching the DVD versions of these episodes so you might catch a quote or comment that didn't actually appear in the original episode.  Probably won't be a problem, but just a warning if you are caught off guard.  (Of course anybody who would catch that would probably have the DVDs anyway)

Wow does this episode get nearly every character down-pat immediately.  Chandler is sarcastic and has a quip about everything.  He talks about a dream he had when he was naked with a phone "THERE" and when he picks it up, it was his mother.  "Which is very weird, because she never calls."  Bam, right there you have Chandler's relationship with his parents established, whether purposely or not at the time.

Then there's poor Ross.  You get an idea of his character in that he wants to be married and seems to always be a down-on-his luck guy (which he remains for the rest of the series).  Hell, Monica is somewhat established early on when she says that she got a call from her mother about how she'll never have grandchildren, showing early on what her mother thinks of her in comparison to Ross.

Joey talks about how Ross needs to get over this by going to a strip joint.  Pheobe's weirdness is evident early as well with her comment asking if Monica's non-date eats chalk.  By the way, this all happens before the 4 minute mark of the show.

Anyway, this is a well-done pilot that lays some groundwork for future episodes.  Friends isn't really a continuity show, but things that happen in episodes usually stick for good.  In this episode, Rachel becomes the waitress of Central Perk.  The Ross and Rachel relationship seed starts in this very episode.  The "dragging out" of their relationship actually makes sense so far since Ross is just getting divorced and Rachel just deciding not to get married.

Rachel right now is very shallow and materialistic in this episode.  The writers get a lot of humor out of this, but thankfully they change her character over time otherwise I think she would become unbearable as the snobby and spoiled brat.  I will be tracking her development in these reviews.  I remember it as a gradual process but never really paid attention when she really became reliant on herself and the traits of brattiness had completely dissipated.

There's more just friends kicking it and less plot than in most episodes.  Monica goes on a date, Ross, Chandler and Joey make a bookshelf (kind of), and Rachel starts her own life.  The rest of the time is spent talking about dreams, or making fun of a Spanish soap opera, things that basically have nothing to do with the plot, but more shows the everyday life banter of friends.

At this point, you can relate to most of the characters except Joey and Phoebe.  Apparently, there was a big controversy about Monica having sex on the first date, but when they showed it to support groups, they actually related to her more.  I'm not sure if the "not having sex for two years" thing would actually work though.  Wouldn't that make her more likely to wait or at least expect you to want to wait?

Rachel moving into Monica's apartment was kind of awkward and kind of just happened.  Also, why wasn't Monica invited to the wedding?  They never really explored how Monica and Rachel fell out of favor with each other in the series.  Just seems kind of strange.  I don't really think they could have made a scene where it actually made sense though and brushing it off as a joke wasn't a terrible idea.

Friends Sex Count
Somebody decided to count all the times each of the friends had sex and I'm going to do a count of my own.  It needs to be specifically shown on screen or referenced that it happened.  Joey probably had sex with Julie or whatever but it wasn't mentioned so it doesn't count.

Monica: 1
Rest: 0

Quotes
"Does he eat chalk?  Just cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl." - Phoebe's character in a nutshell

"Whoa.  This guy says hello and I want to kill myself." - Joey talking about Ross, whose misfortune is always hilarious

"And you never knew she was a lesbian?" - Chandler
"No!  Why does everyone keep fixating on that?  If she didn't know, how should I know?" - Ross

"Tuna or egg salad?  DECIDE" - Chandler mimicking the Spanish soap opera - Not sure this will be as funny in print unless you know how the line is delivered

"Well, maybe I don't need your money. WAIT I said maybe!" - Rachel

"Oh, pff, Aruba, this time of year, talk about your............. big lizards" - Ross

"Between us, we've never had a relationship that's lasted longer than a mento.  But you however have had the love of a woman for four years.  Four years of closeness and sharing.  At the end of which, she ripped your heart out and that is why we don't do it.  I don't think that was my point!"- Chandler to Ross about him and Joey

"I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny." - Ross
"Then stay out of my freezer" - Chandler

"Do you know how long it's been since I grabbed a spoon?" Do the words 'Billy don't be a hero' mean anything to you?" - Ross

"I got to go. I got a date with Andrea.  Angela?  Andrea?" - Joey
"Andrea's the screamer, Angela has cats" - Chandler
"Right.  It's Julie!" - Joey

"I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than to get you into bed" - Ross

"Welcome to the real world!  It sucks!  You're going to love it." - As accurate a description of life I've found

Grade - A

Playlist
"Still" - Geto Boys
"Burn it Down" - IRV DA PHENOM
"I Love It" - Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX
"She's So High" - Tal Bachman
"Atlantis to Interzone" - Klaxons